Sometimes....

...I just wish I was a guy. Let me explain. I have a bit of a temper, and working with children all summer has not helped matters in the least. Every once in a while I feel the need to release my feelings in a direct statement. I like to be as succinct and evil as possible to get the most possible amount of release as is allowable by the amount of time my type-A personality is willing to waste on being angry. Lately the choice phrase that has been coming to mind in a derivation on one of "The Departed"'s Sergeant Dignam (as played by the hilarious Marky Mark Whalberg). At one point he blows up at Matt Damon's kiss-ass character and tells him "Blow me. Not literally though, unfortunately there's no promotion involved."

You see there has been a couple of situations in my head lately where I have thought to myself, "wow, just saying 'blow me' right now would diffuse this perfectly and leave me in the power postition" However, as a female it is awkward and it leaves those who don't know me too well a little confuzzeled.

The other glaring problem with it is the fact that the phrase is a little neanderthal-ish. As someone who is ordinarily well spoken and makes a large effort to not represent a lot of the more negative Long Island stereotypes, this is something I try to avoid.

The conundrums of being a lady.

Behind every high powered man...(Replacement for 2/13 blog)

College is great for discovering television. Just this semester I have discovered and rediscovered Gilmore Girls, The Return of Jezebel James, Planet Earth, Angel, Buffy the Vampire Slayer, The Tudors, Saturday Night Live, The United States of Tara and Arrested Development. What this does for my academic career I cannot be sure. I know that it makes the culture whore in me very happy. The most recent of these is Entourage, an HBO series based in Los Angeles about four friends and the high powered Hollywood agent who makes them rich. The agent Ari Gold, played by Jeremy Piven, is misogynistic racist and homophobic. Yet his wife in the one with any real power within the family. She is the only one who can manage to put him in his place. Asking any agent to go without their phone is like asking a fish to survive without water, yet she demands his phone from him on Yom Kippur and forbids him from doing business, making him appear to be useless and behaves like a lost little boy at the end of this scene, at a complete loss for how to function.
Though he fibs to his daughter, she asserts her power, showing her exasperation with her father, knowing that his atonement is most likely unacceptable.

Oh You SNL.

I usually like to ramble on for these, but I thought that this clip from Saturday Night Live was just priceless. For me, it exemplified all the true stereotypes about spring break, except the girls in this one didn't randomly shout "Spring Break '09!" Pleaser enjoy the ditzy gender messages abound in this one.

Yes, Charlize Theron is indeed scary.

In my never ending drive to see every film worth merit (and many that truly aren't), I recently rented Monster, the biopic of prostitute/serial killer Aileen Wuornos. A little bit of an obvious reading of gender messages, but never the less an important one. The film is largely sympathetic to Aileen's plight in life, but never to Aileen herself. One finds the reasoning behind her first murder to be completely valid, but the audience loses faith in her when she continues to kill and chooses to handle things badly. 

What I find most ironic about this film is not the film itself, but the buzz created by actress Theron's transformation into this woman. She gained thirty pounds, teased her hair and the make-up people gave her some lovely sun-damaged skin. A South African Goddess became what Marla would refer to as "Infectious Human Waste." For me this was the true source of horror in this film. You would see Aileen in the mirror primping and trying to look her best and all one could wonder was if this was the same women. 

This aspect was referred to in a episode of the forgotten critical darling, Arrested Development. Charlize was playing a jubilant love interest for Jason Bateman's lead. As Rita's (Theron's) uncle is speaking about the amount of surgery she has undergone, he mentions that the situation would be different if they had only met a year earlier. At this point an image of Aileen in Monster appears on the screen. 

As her character is "mentally challenged," does this stereotype such individuals as so? Maybe, but it's really humorous. And a stereotype does not necessitate truth. It is my belief that mildly offensive humor is needed sometimes to keep us from getting to full of ourselves. I'm now of to prolong any studying and read Rant by Chuck Palahniuck.

I Can't Have No Affair Because It's Wrong And I Don't Want Earl To Kill Me Pie...

I'm going to take some time out of my normal ramblings to mourn the loss of Adrienne Shelly and her possible contributions to the film world. Two years ago a film appeared on the indie circuit that garnered a lot of buzz, mostly because of the premature death of its director/writer/actress. This film was Waitress and it's director was Ms. Shelly. Shortly before her murder in her New York apartment, the film was accepted into the Sundance Film Festival where the recent news garnered it buzz and gave people the opportunity to view it differently. As it stands alone, the film is comic and serious, real and unreal all at the same time. Knowing the story behind Adrienne's tragic death only makes it all the more poignant.

The premise of this story is a small town waitress who is pregnant with her husband's child. She wants neither the baby nor the husband. Her marriage is loveless and even though she is a "Pie genius," and her friends are either single or have an invalid husband, they would not rather be her. What I personally find most real about the film is not the affair that she has, nor her talent with pies, but rather the behavior of her husband. In all his comic immaturity, he reminds me greatly of some men I know. Unlike Earl, they are not abusive, but still retain that immaturity that makes you wonder how they can function without a mother figure to tie their shoes. It is clear in this film that is what Jenna (the waitress character) is to him. Earl is insecure at best and controlling at worst. He also deludes himself, taking Jenna's admission that she is leaving him as a joke. It is not necessarily that he is a bad guy. Jenna seems to have just been lying down and taking his abuse for so long that it has become commonplace. Despite his tantrums, he seems very devoted to her, just not nearly as mentally developed. I do not blame Earl, but rather Jenna for not standing up for herself in her own marriage and letting certain behaviors be considered acceptable. Though with the birth of her daughter Lulu, she seems to be very devoted to her, one wonders what she will let her get away with. Is Lulu to become a spoiled brat like Earl?

Dear British Press... Kindly shove it. Love Kate

As an avid proponent of Kate Winslet's talent since my young seven year old self first saw her in Titanic, nothing could have made me happier than her Golden Globe win as Best Supporting Actress in the Reader. Until she won Best Actress an hour later. Her speech was perfect, fawning over Leo and Sam (DiCaprio and Mendes, her husband) respectably. She didn't behave as if she was so surprised and so modest and "But Meryl should have won!" as it would have come from her category-mates. Instead, she knew she deserved it and thanked those who helped her get to that point. She even forgot about Angelina Jolie as she started to list off her fellow nominees (take that waif!). Yet the crowd was all smiles and happy with the display of emotion. This got me super jazzed for the remainder of Oscar season.

Then the next day I found an column in British newspaper, The Independent, entitled "Get a Grip, Kate. You're Embarrassing us." According to Brian Viner, Kate's "irreproachably middle-class upbringing in Reading" should have held herself more upright. Be damned the fact that a Best Acting award is something that she has wanted for a long time. As Mr. Viner acknowledges, her husband had directed the film and it was a return pairing with a good friend that led to it, she should feel a certain sense of pride for it. But "Our (Kate's Countrymen) own pride... was diminished as soon as the first tear plopped onto that lovely cheek." Ok Viner, that is just harsh. What should have she done? Hold her statue coldly in her hand as she lists in a monotone those she would like to thank and how much they contributed to her performance and how much this award belongs to them above her. That would have been more expected of a "sensible girl from Reading."

Does sensibility mean that one should hide excitement and pride when they are being rewarded for their work? I should think not! I know that if I were to be recipient of such a well known award I would need to be carried to the stage, because of a fainting spell. And I would not be one to name my children "Bubblegum Eucalyptus Tree," thank you very much Mr. Viner.

Moral of the story? The stuffy British press may have their sensibility and reservedness. Kate's got two Golden Globes and and Oscar. Kate:3 Brian Viner and those who dislike emotion: 0.

Why Amy Sherman-Palladino

Thanks to the terrible invention of Hulu, I can say goodbye to my complete academic drive. Due to the fact that it supports so many forms of media for a self proclaimed media lover, I have found the ultimate form of distraction for myself. The first took the shape of Fox's recently failed series, "The Reutrn of Jezebel James." This came from Amy Sherman-Palladino, the mastermind behind the cult series "Gilmore Girls".
I loved that show for several reasons. The first was that it was very female-centric. In addition to this, past the fast-paced dialogue and the quick wit, it was also very real and relatable. My mother and I would sit down every Tuesday night like clockwork to take in the mishaps of Stars Hallow citizens and laugh at their antics. Then there was another thing. Though each of these women had a central character flaw (Emily was controlling, Sookie was ditzy and Loralai was crazy) they all had one thing in common. These were smart women, capable of their own lives.
This is where "Jezebel James" differed. Though the culture references and the quick dialogue was in place, something was missing. The two sisters, and all the female supporting characters, seemed that they should have been smart. There was everything in place for it. But somehow I found myself wondering how the two managed to match the right shoe to the right foot. They seemed to be lacking so much in common sense that it lacked the realness of "Gilmore." I was almost happy with the knowledge that the series did finish after nine episodes, because I knew there would be an end in sight.
Any Gilmore fans out there who have seen this short lived series?

P.S. ... I shouldn't watch this movie

So as my "me aculpa" for being a big enough dolt to forget to write my blog this week, I'm going to expound endlessly anyway on something extremely relevant to yesterday's date. February 14th, known by myself as singles awareness day and my dog's birthday (she's 11!), is a date where all of these couples come out of the woodwork. Its a date that girls expect grand gestures for and guys get sweaty palms and start freaking out over the types of chocolate, the dozen roses, the sweet cards, and on occasion jewelery. I personally find it all amusing to watch. Leading up to this date, my friend Rachel and I were contemplating what to do with our pathetic single selves. We decided that we would do the cliches of single girls on valentines day and get more pathetic as the day droned on. So we're going to the movies, going shopping where we will beg the people at Lindt to sell us chocolate at the prices they will be tomorrow, put on sweat clothes, and eat all of the chocolate while watching P.S. I Love You and crying our eyes out. Now while our plans are shifting to include a lot more social interaction, the thoughts of P.S. I Love You are still in my mind.

Now, I am not a girl who cries in movies. I'm not going to lie, when I saw Rent and Les Mis live, I was bawling like a small child, but for some reason movies never push me to that point. (And yes, that includes The Notebook, which by the way is just a ridiculous film) Then I saw Hillary Swank throwing herself her 5th floor walk-up wearing her dead husband's shirt and singing along with a black and white Judy Garland. By the end of the movie I could not see through my own tears I was crying so hard. The reasons for this shift are unknown. 

Why this movie was at the top of my selections for a day of single valentine's fun brings up the question of how women are shown they are supposed to behave when they are single. Granted her husband is dead and she is in mourning, but supporting characters give other examples of single women and the things that they do. My own personal favorite is the line of questions asked by Lisa Kudrow's character to unsuspecting men. Are you single? Are you gay? Do you have a job? And then a kiss to see if there's a spark. I like her methods personally. She's on a mission and determined to get her job done, which is not something you often see women in movies doing. Both of her friends are strong, self assured women who balance out the sadness emanating from both Hilary Swank's character and her mother on occasion. The mother suffers from the same heartbreak that her daughter has, but has had an additional ten or so years to deal with this. She strongly holds her daughter together and tries to make her see the hurt that never goes away.

Why does this film stand out for me? It could be that it is just a legitimately good movie (doubtful, I'm a film snob). It could be the endless amounts of Irish accents (possible, I'm an accent lover). It could just be that it makes me cry.  This is the most likely of the reasons. Emotional catharsis is cleansing for any person. Crying, one of the forms of it, is more indicative of emotional health than it is of emotional instability. So guys, don't be afraid of women who cry. It means that she is probably less psycho than other girls.

She may be the man... but so is he!

On a recent long drive from New York with three teammates (one female, two male) I decided that I wanted watch "She's the Man." My friend Rachel enthusiastically agreed. Then Channing Tatum appeared on the screen...We let it be known to the boys in the front seat how much we appreciated such an entrance and continued to drool over the rest of the film, where most of the principle males appear at some point sans top. I find this to be so detracting from the film which the storyline consists of Amanda Bynes prancing around in drag trying her hand at high school boys soccer.

Why would filmmakers want to do such a terrible thing to me? The storyline is completly detracted from by Channing Tatum's wonderful lack of cloth. This tells me that the filmmakers are concentrating on what makes women happy in a shallow manner, despite the fact that women often concentrate more on a story. Even so, I don't think that I would change something that makes me so wonderfully happy.

Someday, My prince will come...

After last entry I decided to take a break from culture and to curl up in a blanket to see my next guilty pleasure. As ashamed as I am to admit it, I have a notorious soft spot for wrong side of the tracks-romance-through-dance movies. Save the Last Dance? Check. Step Up? Check. Dirty Dancing (1+2)? Check and check. Another Cinderella Story? The jury is still out on it.

Don't get me wrong. I think the story is cute and that the idea of an aging pop-star as the wicked stepmother is pure genius. I actually like the cheesy High School Musical-esque music (maybe it could be because Drew Seeley's voice was meshed with Zac Efron's for the role of Troy in the first one?).  For me the main foible the film is the upcoming Disney talent, Selena Gomez. Now, Selena has a decent voice and I wish I could dance like her, but all I could think throughout this film was that she looked like an eight year old. Yeah maybe in all actuality she is only two years younger then me, but actuality doesn't change the age she appears. What should have been a new favorite guilty pleasure scene at the school Valentine's dance where the two zero in on each other makes me feel weird to watch, simply because she is doing all of these great salsa moves with a guy who looks like he could be 15 years older than her. It makes me want to tell her to put that highly extended leg away. The film makers keep trying to "sex her up" at every turn, whether it be with the dance moves or with the copious amounts of skinny jeans. This fails at making her look older.

And about him appearing to be so much older than her. The premise is that superstar Joey Parker is coming back to school for senior year, though he looks to be about 23, which could be believed if he wasn't attending high school. Also, Andrew Seeley is billed as Drew Seeley for the film in an attempt to make the actor himself seem younger. By the way, he real age is that of Selena Gomez's, plus ten years.

This saddens me, because it is a film with so much guilty pleasure potential. The supporting cast is fantastic, the characters are well written and choreography is good. I could see myself obsessing over Andrew Seeley for a little while, which is the intent of his casting and always a high point for me. Despite all of these things, I don't think that I'll ever be able to get past the fact that to me, Selena Gomez is 8. And to watch it on a guilty pleasure level would make me feel like a pedophile. Which often doesn't make for a happy movie watching experience.

Is the obsession of older men- younger women taking over the tween movieverse?

Commentary on the French

French women in the media are notorious rule breakers. They would sit and drink in bars decades before their tight-laced English counterparts would dream of doing the same. Despite this, men have continuously been chasing after them, lured by their vivacity and saunter.

There are two women of who I am thinking in particular. One of them is Amelie, a recent netflix import of mine. This delightful heroine, played by french favorite Audrey Tautou, is the worst kind of female stereotype... She is a meddler. In a motive to get her father out of the house, she steals his garden gnome and sends him on a trip around the world, with her father getting Polaroid updates on the gnome's location. She finds a way into the apartment of the grocer who lives downstairs, the one who is always yelling at his help for being slow, and does unnoticeable things that upset his routine. Even worse, she plays matchmaker to unwilling participants and falls in love with someone who she has only seen once. You really can't get more annoying female than that. Yet she is all the more endearing for all of her actions and walks away from it all unscathed and all the better for it, in addition to actual having helped in all of her meddling. How can I get that talent? 

I am also very happy that this film was made in France, rather then have the story told by American filmmakers. Because of its romantic nature, studios would have pressed this "autosap" button that is used on all romantic comedies. Amelie would have been Amelia (or more likely Mia), played by someone leggy that can pull off on-screen klutziness. The man that she falls for would have been a long forgotten childhood friend, whom neither of them realizes the reality of until they finally lock eyes at the end, instead of him being a stranger. He would also be a very successful, yet misanthropic and womanizing, writer. No, this french version is much better. In it Amelie does not apologize for who she is, like her American counterpart would. She just bounces along.

The other French creation is an Egyptian courtesan by the name of Thais, from the Massanet opera of the same name. (Though opera is an unusual form of media to analyze now, in the 18th century going to the theatre or the opera house was the original movie night.) When she is introduced in the first act, this woman is self-assured in her beauty and sexuality, which is not common of female heroines now. She knows that she exerts a large control and hold over men and uses it to her every possible advantage. Yet as her mirror aria says (Dis-moi Que Je Suis Belle- Tell Me That I am Beautiful), she knows that her beauty is fleeting, and she wants more. These are the themes are what keep Cosmo in business.

It is for this want of more that she is drawn to Athaneal, a monk whom after a vision is compelled to save her from herself and to get she to a nunnery. She is attracted to Athaneal's conviction and determination, and goes willingly and happily. It is only after he leaves her to the sisters that he realizes that he loves her. It ends with her death and his realization that all of his religious convictions were for nothing if he never had what he truly loved in life, which was her. 

What I find most interesting is the difference between these two women. Amelie, who by all means modest and shy, pining away for a man she has never met. Then by contrast is Thais, a modern woman who takes her life into her own hands, yet was written 200 years earlier. Just some food for thought. Any opinions?